When you tell people “I’m writing a book” or “I’m an author,” people around you have many different reactions. You can get negativity or support and pats on the back or anything in between.

Sometimes the negativity you get from others can be quite painful, especially if this has been a lifetime dream for you or something that makes you feel vulnerable when you talk about it.

Normally your spouse, partner or family are supportive of your goals, but there are moments when they just don’t get it either. Sometimes, you might surprise them by what you write. I know my husband and children were a little surprised when I wrote about romance mixed with supernatural elements and Black Hand terrorists set in early 1900’s Russia. It wasn’t really what they were expecting.

So what helps writers to navigate through all these expectations and reactions from people?

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A Couple Helpful Thoughts to Remember…

If you’ve been feeling the pressure of other people’s opinions, or worried about your writing in any way, here’s a few thoughts that might help you pull yourself out of a funk and back on an even keel.

Everyone will have an opinion about the fact that you’re writing a book. When you first start out you might not tell anyone you are writing for fear of what they might say. It’s good to remember that lots of people talk about writing a book, but very few actually finish one. People reactions and comments are mixed with both criticism and praise when you tell them you’re writing a book.

I remember feeling like I should apologize to people for writing the book I did. I think much of that was lack of confidence and fear of judgement. This is something that changes over time as you become proud of writing and publishing your books.

I found, that I got more criticism and judgement during the editing and rewrite process. But to be fair, some of these negative feelings could have come from having to do such intensive rewrites and edits on my first book. I felt like the criticism started to fade away as the editing process continued and as I showed people that I was really going to get this book done. Then as I began to tell more people, I started to hear more encouraging comments.

It’s normal to put a lot of yourself into the book you write. If it’s fiction or non-fiction, you’ll find that what you write is an expression of who you are. This is normal. After all, what you pick as your topic, reflects on the person you are. And let’s be honest, people will judge you by what you write…. but people will judge you anyway.

I found that the problem is worse when you only have one book out there. Because that book then becomes the only thing people judge you on and the main thing for people to criticize or attack. Once you have more books, you can start to loosen up a bit, as there are different sides of you to show to others. Your confidence in yourself and who you are as a writer will begin to grow as you are a published author.

You Have to Realize that Some Readers will not Like Your Book. This is something that all writers face. But this is much tougher to work through when you are still a new author and emotionally connected to your book. I remember feeling rejected as a person when my book was rejected.

When you’ve written your first book, you have to try to let it go and realize that when people don’t like your book – it’s not personal. It could be that what you were writing about was not for them. And that’s okay. Other people will want to read your work.

How can you handle all these challenges?

1. When someone says something unkind and that is painful for you to hear, breathe deeply and take time to rethink what they said. Is it helpful feedback – constructive criticism – that you can use to make your story better? If that answer is yes, write it down and use it. If it’s a comment that doesn’t help, then dismiss it and tuck the information away that this person is not someone with whom you want to share your books with again.

2. Realize that every writer goes through this. How you feel is normal. Everyone who writes a book – especially their first book – feels very much out of their comfort zone. Since you are not experienced or an expert in writing books, you’ll most likely hear more criticism. Most of all, don’t be hard on yourself. Accept that you’re on a learning curve and that much like anything you learn, there will be some lessons to learn before you make it to your writing goals.

3. Speak positive words about you and your writing. What you have to say matters. You can write a book and be an author. You are an artist. You are creative. Choose Yourself. You are a Writer. Give yourself permission to write your book. Say these positive, affirming words over and over again.

4. You can reach your goal. Writing and publishing your book is something you can do. It will take it patience and writing at times, even when it’s the last thing you want to do. But you can do it. Remind yourself that writing is a long term deal and savor the journey.

Remind yourself, when people are critical of your work, to take it in stride, use the comments if they’re helpful and keep writing. Everyday you write you’re moving closer to your dream.

Have you had criticism on something you’ve written? Was it helpful or not? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

For years fear held me back from starting something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl.

I wanted to be a writer.

All around me I saw writers producing a new book every year, with tons of novellas and blogposts in between. Words seemed to drip from their fingers.

I thought, maybe this writing thing won’t be so hard after all. Yeah, right. That belief turned out to be wrong on so many levels.

Writing was hard work, at least for me.

From the first words I put on the blank screen in front of me, until I finished my first novel four years later, every single day I struggled to get the story on page. Sure, some days were easier than others, but every time I saw the empty void looming in front of me, I was consumed with intimidation and fear of failure.

Fear of rejection showed up in my writing days resulting in perfectionism and procrastination. It slowed me down.

Questions of self-doubt filled my mind. What if I’m the only one who thinks I could be a good writer? What if I suck at this and end up failing?

Insecurity and anguish mocked me, their condemning words echoing in my ears.

I struggled to accept the truth, that at the core of me I already was a writer. I just needed to own that identity.

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You Have Permission…

I didn’t understand that before I could really find my voice as a writer, I needed to own that identity. I needed to realize I had permission to be who I was. Activity would follow.

I was in the process of becoming what some part of me realized I was.

So I began my search. This is when I began to get the help and inspiration I needed. I searched online for people who were already doing what I wanted to do and began to be mentored by other writers through blogs, podcasts and Webinars.

All this research took a long time. I was desperate for answers.

Suddenly it was like a light switched on in a dark room. At last, I realized that all these years I had been waiting for permission. Somewhere in my subconscious mind, I let those negative voices become something much bigger. I realized I had been waiting for someone to choose me.

I needed to choose myself. It was time to realize I was a writer.

That moment was the starting point for me. I’ve continued to write, and I’m in editing mode right now with the second book in the series. Everyday I still continue to choose myself when I sit down to write.

Maybe you’ve had a dream to be a writer. Maybe you’re even working on a book right now, but you feel stuck. Maybe you’re not sure of the next steps to take to realize your dream of writing and publishing your book.

If that’s where you’re at, I want to let you know there’s a way for you to learn how to write, publish and market your book and to learn it faster than I ever did. And you’ll be taking notes from bestselling authors who have been just where you are right now.

Some of my favourite authors and mentors will be teaching on the upcoming online Self Publishing Summit which starts on July 12th. Bestselling authors like Jeff Goins, Joanna Penn, Jonathan Milligan and many more will be sharing their step-by-step process to help you write, market and publish your first book.

And the best part is that you can grab your spot to learn the ideas and systems they spent years discovering for FREE! Click here to grab your spot today.

Most of all, I hope you choose yourself. That, even if you have doubts and fears that you could actually write a book, that you’ll give yourself permission to try.

Choosing myself and embracing my identity as a writer is something I wish I had done years before I actually did. I really hope you don’t wait.

I hope you’ll decide to follow your writing dreams. Do it today. You’ll be happy you did.

Believe in yourself. Choose yourself. You are a writer.

Have you had fears that have held you back from writing your book? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

hugs, Lorna

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“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.” Oprah Winfrey

These past couple of weeks as I’ve been working on rewrites to Book #2, I’ve battled my inner critic more than usual.

As I wrote the romance was a little steamier and the body count was a little higher than what I usually write. And I felt like I was the little five year old, once again, asking permission for something.

Have you ever felt that way as you’ve written your novel, or non-fiction book or blogpost?

Maybe your inner critic has similar put downs to mine. Maybe you hear words like this too:

You can’t write that down. You can’t think that. You shouldn’t even imagine those things.

You don’t have permission to think that, to write like that or to publish that.

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Choose to Give Yourself Permission

As writers we must come back to the reasons we write. This will help to empower us when the inner critic tries to bombard us.

Knowing our reasons for writing will help us have the freedom to take the permission we need to write the story in the way it needs to be told.

What are your reasons for writing what you write?

Here’s my list: to create stories I love that also inspire and entertain others; to write to somehow have an impact on the world; to find meaning and to help others find meaning in their everyday lives.

I needed to get back to my why, before I was able to find the grit I needed to write the story as it needed to be told.

It’s been a battle to get to the place where I could give myself permission to write the story.

There many parts of the book where the main characters are hunted like animals and then there’s also parts where certain characters die.

Sometimes I’ve noticed as I’m writing,that my inner critic tries to talk me out of writing certain things – like death, murder, horrible crimes, … because that’s not what a good girl like me should write about.

At least those are the words that have been echoed from family and friends close to me over the years.

It’s really only been in the past few months that I’ve started to give myself permission to write what I’ve really wanted to write for years now…. which is books with action and suspense mixed with romance. I’ve wanted to write stories where my characters are very real and with a mixture of good and bad… much like real life.

Anyway, this is what I’ve been working through as I’ve been doing the rewrites. Maybe you can relate?

Sometimes we have to wrestle with our words and with who are to really say what we mean in all our writing.

It’s like I’ve been wrestling with who I am and how much of myself I put on the page. It’s a scary – and naked – place to be.

I’m discovering more of my voice.

In some ways I think this feels like unknown territory – a little like braving a walk in the wilderness. This glimpse into the new me is little different than my normal ‘good girl’ image that some people see me to be.

This is weird and empowering and freeing all at the same time.

During this rewriting process, I have to keep reminding myself that I have the freedom and the permission to write. If I don’t step into the brave new me, then I’ll be writing from a caged place – staying safe in the shadows – which has absolutely no attraction for me.

This change has come about for me as I’ve been blogging regularly for a few years and since about  a year ago began everyday with writing my three pages of morning pages.

I can’t believe how much has come unlocked creatively because of all of that.

It has really helped me to blog because it makes me think a little deeper about what I want to write before I hit the publish button.

I’ve also been challenged by other writers to dig deeper to discover more of my own creativity, and what makes me… me. To go deeper.

Being able to finish a project and hit the publish button is such fun – but scary at the same time.

I loved the thrill of clicking the publish button at Amazon, Kobo and SmashWords for my 1st book. I felt adventurous and brave… but also worried about readers would say.

There’s some truth to the fact that when you’ve done it once…over time if you keep publishing – you get braver.

That’s what I love about self-publishing. You can pick yourself. You don’t need anyone’s permission. That feeling of freedom and self-autonomy is so empowering as a writer.

If I hadn’t published my first novel, or continued to write my 2nd novel… I would still be talking about it and not actually doing it.

If I had waited to be picked, I would still be dreaming of what might have been.

Of course, permission to write and self-publish doesn’t mean you’ll get it right the first time.

It doesn’t guarantee Bella Andre or Amanda Hocking type of success.

What it does, is it shifts you inside. it forces you to go further creatively. It helps you clear the way for the next step. As a writer that’s good news. This life of words is one of discovery, it’s not a destination.

You have permission. You are empowered.

To write.

To Publish.

To share your ideas and connect with readers and writers everywhere.

Pick yourself as a writer. Give yourself permission to write the words you love.

It’s your moment. It your time to let the Brave new you come out and play.

Do you struggle with writing the words you really want to say? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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